Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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