I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
