I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize
