So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
