giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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