there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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