tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
