What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
