Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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