I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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