sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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