You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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