you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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