My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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