My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
