My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
