He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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