Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Couch. On fire.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
