I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
