I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
