i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
