WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He has the fingertips of a God
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
