It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
