Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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