Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Success! We fucked roommates!
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