I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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