woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize