Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
