My first STD was from a foam party
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
