The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
