Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
