If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
