so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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