census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
