Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
no, he came in my armpit
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
