so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
