definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize