it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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