I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
