i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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