In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
