can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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