I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
