i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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