I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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