the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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