Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
