I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
