So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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