The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
