Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize