Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
