Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
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