lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
