my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
