The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
