just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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