Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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