we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize