South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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