Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
