Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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