just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
