she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
