Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
