...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
